Eight weeks to go...Nerves starting to show!!!

Reality has begun to set in! The weeks are flying by like crazy and I just now slowed down to really think about the fact that in 8 weeks our little man will be here and Kinsey will no longer be an only child!!! Two emotions run through my head constantly these days: Anticipation and Fear! I am so excited to meet the newest addition to our family and see if he has more of my good looks or my husbands. My fear is that I will not know how to make time for a new baby and my baby that depends on me sooo much! I fear that her feelings will be hurt and the last thing I would ever want is for her to feel neglected by me. We spend all of our time together and in just a short while, a new baby will change her little world forever. I know the change will be abrupt at first and then gradually she will understand, but I hate to think that I might hurt her little heart!!!!

It is unreal sometimes when I think about where my life has taken me in the last ten years. I am using ten years as a reference, due to the fact that I just attended my ten year high school reunion over the weekend. I had a great time catching up and cherishing memories with high school friends. It was wonderful to get to see the faces that made me smile and even made me angry all those years ago. It is interesting that even after ten years, we all still look and act the same. Of course there are exceptions to this statement... we have all grown up and many of us have families, but for the most part I could still the high school aura wrapped around us as we hung out together. I can still remember thinking that I would be married by 24 and have three kids by the age of 28. My how things went in a different direction, but for a good reason. In the last ten years, I have had my heart broken and possibly broke one or two hearts. I have seen friends come and go and I have often thought about the friends that I lost contact with after high school. I have struggled to pay bills and then had enough money to lend a friend. I have changed my mind about a profession numerous times and yet ended up with two degrees in Education. Through all of this, I managed to somehow marry the most amazing man. He has brought me through some of the toughest battles in my life and yet he still ceases to judge me. He makes no harsh comments about my moodiness or my insane ability to stress myself out on the most minute issues. He loved me for me from the very beginning and through all of my struggles in being a mother, a wife and a new member in a family he has always known the real me. In fact, even today as I continue to let go of guilts and grievances I have held on to for so long and find a way back to me, he is the one that helps me realize who I am and what I am not!
Being at my high school reunion, made me aware of the vast differences each of our lives contain. Some of us live in big cities, some of us in small country towns and some of us never left. There have been divorces, heart ache, joy, babies and new found love in our class as a whole. We have left our mark on our school ten years ago, but tonight as I sit here and reflect on everything I learned Saturday night, I now realize that we have gone out into the world and made a mark on people around us. We genuinely are a class that cared about each other and to this day we still do. It may be a silent nod or a simple smile that we use to communicate our respect and compassion for one another, but have doubt it's there!!!

I am not sure why I have all of sudden found the need to be so long winded and emotional but for some reason it felt good to reconnect with so many friends that I have lost contact with. It made me so happy to see others in love with their life and with the one that they chose to spend it with. It is heart warming to know that we all found our place in the world and even if we aren't sure we are in the right place, we are strong enough to fight until we figure out!!

Until my next social gathering with my newly reconnected friends, I will be in my house nesting for the arrival of Mr. Grady. Think of my often and say a little prayer to help me figure it all out. Every little thought counts and I am sure my Kinsey will appreciate all of the help I can get. I apologize for any accidental omitted words or misspellings, but I am way to tired to go back and proofread, please know that I will try harder next time....Peace, Love and the Reese's!!!