Where does the time go?

This past weekend we had Kinsey's first birthday! It was wonderful.... I stressed about it for three months wanting every detail to be perfect because I knew this would only happen once in her life. At the end of the day, we were all exhausted from all the fun and unfortunately the hot and humid weather. But I can say that on top of all of this, I was emotionally exhausted and I still am today. What a difference a year makes!!! I am sure I am not the only mom who cries at the thought of her baby being a year old and if I am then that's okay because I have always been an emotional person:) I can't help but think about the first moment I laid eyes on her...the immense feeling of a deeper love was something I was not expecting. I honestly believe that our babies are miracles and gifts from God. They are each sent here to give us a deeper purpose and to help us become better people. My lil' lady has for sure changed my world in more ways than I could ever explain or even begin to understand. What I do know is that when I look in her eyes , I can see the confidence she has in me. I can see the trust she gives me and the love that none other can ever understand. She makes me crazy some days with her clingyness (possibly a word) and diva ways, but on nights like this when I watch her sleep in her crib I am reminded of the little 7 pound miracle that changed my world just a short year ago. I know she is not the perfect child, but she is beyond perfect for me and her tiny hands fit just right inside mine. My whole point behind this blog is cherishing every moment. Remember every tear you cried from being exhausted the first months you were a new mom. Remember every late night rocking that you somehow managed to accomplish despite the incredible sleep deprivation you were feeling. Remember every little smile and every giggle. Remember the first bath, the first professional picture session, the first tooth and the first gooey, slobbery baby kiss. It goes by so fast and I know that it will only go faster as she begins to walk and talk and rule the house:) Do not get me wrong... I am glad that my baby is strong and healthy and growing up well. I am not sad for her, I am just overwhelmed with the loss of my little newborn. Deep down I know I have not lost my baby.... I have gained a beautiful blossoming flower. It is just the thought of a whole year behind us that makes me start to second guess if I took the time to get every memory that I could while she was this young. Did I miss anything or neglect to see what would be important now? I know I am reading too much into this, but I can't help but wonder "Will I always miss the little baby that I rocked in my arms?" I have been told that it will get easier as the days go on and new babies come into our family, but for now I have my baby, the one that changed me forever. I am glad she had such a great time at her party. It may seem like a small success but it has been one of my proudest parent moments yet.

Kinsey Blayne, I am so happy you are mine and I love you to the moon and back! Love you, Mommy

Kinsey's First Rodeo

Yesterday, we took Kinsey to her first real rodeo in Houston. It was an experience to say the least....Kinsey was tired by the time the concert started and I wish that I could have curled up in someone's lap and passed out too! We had a very busy day...mostly from fighting the crowds! (Note to self: NEVER go to HLSR during Spring Break Week!) Kinsey took a picture with Ms. Moo (left) and also on a pony. However, the pony picture turned out looking like she was trying to jump into my arms more than resembling a cute lil' cowgirl on a pony. But these are the memories I live for...you know the one's that do not go as expected and yet in some way they find a way to embed themselves into your heart deeper than a moment in time that you had planned out to the smallest detail. And my husband can attest to the fact that I am a planner with a capital P!!! It is one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses. But being a mother has definitely made me realize that life cannot be planned out every day.You can be prepared, but even with that you must expect the unexpected:) A hard lesson for me is learning to unplan (not a word) what I have had etched into my head since I was ten years old. You know the whole white picket fence fairytale that many little girls grow up thinking defines happiness! My reality is moons beyond what I pictured...I have a wonderful husband that believes in my ability to be a mom, wife and anything I set my mind too; I have a beautiful, loving and sweet daughter who brightens my day by just smiling! Sure, I picked the husband, but I didn't get to choose our future...it just happens day by day, laugh after laugh, and with each "I love you!" I could not have dreamed up something this good...it is a gift from above and as my husband always reminds me as I begin to stress about my plans falling through "There is no sense in planning out your life, God already has your life written out. He is your map, you just need to follow!" So true...even during days like yesterday when I was worried I wasn't going to capture the most important moments of Kinsey's first rodeo....I soon saw after I perused my camera for images that the ones that mean the most are the ones that just happened because I let life happen.

This is one of those pictures that makes for a great memory. Kinsey is passed out in the middle of a concert, fireworks, and screaming fans and yet we can't even get her to sleep longer than five hours at a time in the peace and quiet!!! Spending the day as a family makes me realize just how precious it is each moment we share together. Kinsey will be one this Wednesday and it seems unreal! I fight back tears just to acknowledge this fact, but it is true. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop time...it will always win. I have come to the conclusion that the only way I am going to be able to get through this first birthday is to live for our future and cherish the beginning. She won't always be small enough to fit in my lap or curl up next to me in the rocking chair, but one thing that will never change: she will never outgrow my love or my heart. Until next time, "Life, love and The Reese's."

The beginning!!!

So, as it seems I find myself wanting to tackle the challenge of keeping up with a blog. I have read other blogs and find myself completely immersed in every last word, as if I am reading a great American novel and cannot find the need to put down the book. Come to think of it...many of the blogs I read are real accounts of everyday American life and I find a connection to them through each reading. This new found love, admiration, obsession ( i guess that one could seem true) that I have with blogs has made me realize that I WANT and NEED an outlet! I want place to talk to other adults in actual adult language and not the cutesy, baby talk that I find myself relishing in 24 hours a day. (And yes, I say 24 hours because our daughter does not sleep well at all and therefore I wind up feeling like I talk baby talk all DAY long!!!) I may not always have something profound to say, but I do feel that I may say something that will connect with others, even if it is just to provide a nice giggle at the end of the day! So, let it be known "here begins my journey as a blogger!" But please do not hold it against me if I neglect my blog some days....I find that I sometimes can't even remember to feed the dogs and nevertheless I am aware that I will sometimes completely forget my blog all together. But that just makes the moment I remember it more exciting and fulfilling! (kind of like finding that missing mate to a sock after searching for weeks!) I am so ready to begin this new endeavor and I can't wait to tell you more about me and my family!!! Until next time: Life, Love and Reese's!!!

Just a sneak peek at our precious daughter....more to follow on how much of a blessing she is to us ( even though she decided sleep is not a requirement for her!) 

P.s. This photo was taken by a wonderfully talented photographer, who just happens to be a near and dear friend to us!!! She is amazing....check out her work! www.spankimillsphotography.com/blog